


You Are Missing Me, Aren't You?  (Letters From Tony)

by Ytteb



Series: Letters [3]
Category: NCIS
Genre: Drama, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-31
Updated: 2016-02-04
Packaged: 2018-05-17 12:14:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5869087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ytteb/pseuds/Ytteb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony is on a special assignment but keeps in touch with his co-workers. After all, he wouldn't want them to forget him!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Hey, McGoo!

Thought I'd drop you a line in case you're missing the DiNozzo presence. What am I saying? Of course you're missing me … that ol' squad room isn't the same without yours truly. Why 'yours truly'? I never end a letter 'yours truly', when did you ever get a letter signed 'yours truly'? Something out of Victorian times. Ask Ducky – not because he's  _Victorian_ , of course but just because it's the sort of thing he knows. Better wait until you're not too busy though; but you know that.

London is great, thanks for asking. Well, I know you haven't but I'm sure you meant to. Turns out that the American Defense Attaché is based in Grosvenor Square. Did I mention that before I left? Only one of the best addresses in London! Right at the centre of what's going on. They've put me in this flat – sorry, apartment – overlooking Hyde Park. I go running there every morning: tell the Boss, won't you? Building up the stamina again. Better not tell Ducky, tell him I'm taking it easy. Which I am, especially yesterday morning when I had to pull up because I jogged into the horse poo – would you believe people go horse riding in the park?

Weather's been great. Well, great for the UK which means it's only rained twice (for six hours) but hey, I've been out and bought an umbrella. Oh, and a raincoat. Drew the line at a sou'wester. It can't rain here all the time … can it?

Hope you're keeping the Boss well caffeinated. Hope you unstuck your fingers from the keyboard. Well, you'd have been disappointed if I hadn't done it! Don't forget to keep on Delores' good side – yes, she does have one and if you find yourself veering on to the bad side, give her some cherry pie drops. She loves them. Do you think she's got an obsession with all things cherry? Best not to ask. Would be like asking Gibbs if he wants cream and sugar in his tar.

Did the culture vulture bit at the weekend. Went to some of the museums and art galleries. All right, I went to the gift shops but I'll go back some time.

Time to go. Remember the DiNozzo rules. Or the one that applies to you: don't sit at my desk! No, there are two that apply to you: don't get killed! Took me ages to get you to this stage – don't regress.

Ciao

Very Special Agent Tony DiNozzo (on temporary re-assignment). Note the word temporary, McHopeful. I'll be back.

McGee smiled ruefully as he got to the end of Tony's letter which had been written on a pop-out robot card which he was itching to assemble.

"What you got there?" asked Gibbs sweeping into the office.

"Letter from Tony," said McGee waving it in the air.

"He all right?" asked Gibbs in a determinedly casual voice.

"Seems fine. Said to tell you he's building up his stamina. Going for runs in the morning."

"Hmmph," said Gibbs in a way which could have meant both approval and disapproval.

"Doesn't think much of the weather," observed McGee, "it's been raining."

"I hope he is dressing appropriately," said Ducky whose contact in the mail room had told him about the arrival of a letter from England.

"He's bought an umbrella and a rain coat," said McGee, hoping that Gibbs wouldn't tell Ducky about Tony's morning runs.

"Splendid," said Ducky, "I wonder where he purchased his umbrella? I remember there was a very fine shop off …"

He was interrupted by Abby running in as fast as possible.

"Ernie said there was a letter from Tony," she said excitedly, "is he OK? Is he having fun? Is he …?"

"Is he working?" came the Director's stern voice, "the secondment to the Defense Attaché isn't meant to be a vacation."

Gibbs sighed. The squad room had been quiet for the last couple of days in Tony's absence but the arrival of a letter from him seemed to have livened the place up immediately.

"Thought you were just getting him out of the way, Leon?" he said with a half-smile.

Leon gave a half smile of his own in acknowledgement. DiNozzo had been injured a few weeks before and had only just returned for what had been expected to be a prolonged period of desk duty. The Director prided himself on a well-run federal agency but an office bound Tony had threatened to be too disruptive and Vance had jumped at the opportunity to send him on a secondment to London where the Defense Attaché department wanted to review its security protocols. Tony was well qualified for the work, would enjoy catching up with at least some of his English relatives and the smooth running of the DC office would continue. It seemed a win win situation and Gibbs had agreed so long as the assignment was only temporary.

"Um, I'm sure he's working very hard, Director," said McGee loyally, "and he sent us a package!" This was a master stroke and diverted everyone's attention.

"Hope it's not filled with super glue," said Gibbs morosely.

Tim twitched and withdrew his hands hastily.

"Gibbs," said Abby reproachfully, "Tony wouldn't do that. Actually, he might, but the mail room would have detected the chemicals. Go on, Timmy, open it!" and she clapped her hands in excitement.

McGee opened the parcel.

"He's been to the Science Museum," he observed.

"I would  _love_  to go there," sighed Abby.

"It is a most interesting building," said Ducky, "it was designed by …" he broke off as he realised that people were anxious to see what was in the parcel, "… but that's a story for another time," he said, "I had better summon Mr Palmer. He won't want to miss out on the excitement."

Tim looked at the post-its on the contents of the package. "This one's for me," he said happily. It was a ‘History of the Computer’ T shirt, "Cool," he said as he held it up for everyone to see.

"You thinking of wearing that here, McGee?" asked Gibbs.

"Um …" hesitated Tim, who longed to put it on, "er, no, Boss."

"Good answer," said Gibbs briefly.

"What have I got?" demanded Abby and then squealed with excitement as Tim handed her a pair of oven mitts with X-ray pictures of hands on. "They're so great! I can wear them with my new coat!"

"Uh," said Tim, "I think they're for the kitchen, Abby. You know, indoors."

"So?" asked Abby obviously puzzled by this distinction.

McGee decided to avoid further discussion by handing a book to Ducky, "this is for you, Ducky."

"Splendid," said Ducky appreciatively, "it's a biography of James Watt. He was one of the finest Scottish minds there has ever been. Do you know …?"

"Is there something for me?" asked Jimmy who had arrived in time to prevent another speech from his mentor.

"Yes, there is," said McGee.

"What is it? What is it?" asked Abby who was as interested in everyone's presents as in her own. She clapped her hands again although the sound was muted because she was still wearing her oven mitts.

"It's a Double Sided Magnetic Human Body," said Jimmy happily, "this will really help with my anatomical studies.

"Director, this is for you," said McGee.

Vance raised a surprised eyebrow. He hadn't really expected a gift from DiNozzo. He smiled when he saw what he had been sent.

"It's a car in a can," he said, "a remote control car with some traffic cones."

"Is that what you do up in your office, Leon," drawled Gibbs, "play with cars?"

The Director decided not to be intimidated. "The kids will like it," he said with dignity as he retreated to his office.

"And this is for you, Boss," said Tim, handing him the last package.

It was a wooden puzzle. "Galileo's globe," said Gibbs as he peered at the instructions, "hmm. It's well made." He turned it over thoughtfully in his hands for a moment.

Silence fell as everyone stood holding their gifts and then looked sadly at the vacant DiNozzo desk.

"Back to work," barked Gibbs.

There was a collective sigh before everyone obeyed.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

_Hi Tim,_

_Glad you liked the T-shirt. Good hint about how much the McSqueeze liked it … one is winging its way to her as I write. Don't worry about it being the right size – remember I'm a crime scene sketch expert. Working out a woman's size is what I do, and it's always a pleasure. In a purely job satisfaction, professional sort of way of course. I don't want to suggest that the DiNozzo gaze ever weighs Delilah up in anything other than a professional and platonic way. Whatever; I guarantee that the T-shirt will fit._

_Sorry to hear about the all night stake out. In the rain. And the wind. I think that was probably the day I went to the Embassy party. Well, one of them. Turns out that these diplomats really know how to party. If I was a McNovelist like you, I'd find a lot of material for some hard-hitting biting social commentary but it turns out I'm just a social butterfly so I'm just going along for the ride. And it's stopped raining too. Guess the bad weather has moved to DC!_

_Hope you like this post card. It's the view from the top of the London Eye. Did you know it's nearly 450 feet high? Great_  view  _over London. Moves very slowly but, of course, once you're on for the ride you're stuck with it … you know, trapped in this glass capsule hundreds of feet in the air. You'd love it. Or not._

_Don't let Gibbs bully you. You're allowed one meal break a day and entitled to at least three hours' sleep. And that protective gear is there to be used not looked at. Remember what I said, I want you to be in perfect condition when I get back. Well, as perfect as the Mcbody can be. You know what I mean._

_I'm picking up the local argot so 'Cheerio'._

_Temporarily re-assigned Special Agent Tony._

Tim smiled as he got to the end of the latest communication from Tony although he winced when he looked at the vista on the enormous post card. He peered closer when he saw that Tony had added something in tiny letters.  _PS: tell TD that I'm going to a boxing match tomorrow_.

"Pigeon post made it from England?" asked Gibbs as he walked into the office carrying his first coffee of the day.

Tim was always flummoxed when Gibbs made a joke and it was especially rare for him to make one so early in the day.

"Er?" he said, "No, I think Tony's sending his stuff through Diplomatic channels."

Gibbs sighed at this waste of his humour but decided to cut his losses, "what's he sent?"

"Post cards," said McGee pointing to a heap on his desk, "who's TD?" he asked.

"The Director," said the Director also making his first appearance of the day.

"Oh," said McGee, "Oh. Oh, well, Tony's sent you a message, Director."

"And?" pressed Vance whose mood didn't seem to be matching that of the almost cheerful Gibbs.

"Right. Um, well, he says to tell TD, to tell  _you_ , that he's going to a boxing match tomorrow."

Gibbs and McGee waited to see what the Director would make of this. Tim hoped he wouldn't complain that Tony seemed to be having a great time and that Gibbs was simply collecting information.

"Good," said Vance briefly and left in search of the coffee he knew his secretary would have waiting for him.

"I hear something has arrived from Anthony," said Ducky whose mail room contact was as reliable as ever.

"Yes," said McGee, "a post card for you."

"How thoughtful," said Ducky, and he began to read it to himself. "Hmm," he said after a few moments, "it seems that Anthony has been to a cricket match. His Uncle Charles is a member of the MCC." He looked up and saw the blank faces of Gibbs and McGee. He spotted a chance to instruct. "The MCC is the Marylebone Cricket Club and is based at Lords cricket ground." The faces still looked blank, "you remember Admiral Sir Charles Smithson, don't you? And his most charming wife, Lady Caroline?"

"Sure," said Gibbs, "just having trouble picturing DiNozzo at a cricket match."

"Indeed," said Ducky heavily, "I fear I may need to give him some instruction on his return. He does not seem to understand the significance of a  _googly_  and is sadly muddled about the distinction between silly mid-on and silly point."

Gibbs was still in a good mood and tutted sympathetically. Ducky might have explained the finer points of cricket fielding placements but, at that moment, they heard the sound of running feet coming closer. It was Abby who had also been tipped off by the mail room.

She was breathless by the time she reached Tim's desk so McGee just handed her the post card.

"Cool," she said, "Tony's been to the London Dungeon. Ooh, he's been to something called the Plague Doctor."

"Is he unwell?" asked Ducky anxiously.

"No, Ducky," said Abby kindly, "it's one of the events they have on there. Tells you what it was like in London when the Black Death was at its height."

"How extraordinary," said Ducky, "well, I suppose Anthony might be able to give them some first-hand information and could tell them if their scenarios were inaccurate. Timothy, is there a missive for Mr Palmer? I will deliver it to him."

McGee handed the 'missive' to Ducky, "oh, it looks as if Tony has taken a photo outside the London School of Embalming. Great."

Abby and Ducky went back to work clutching their post cards and Gibbs looked expectantly at Tim.

"Oh, yes, of course," stammered Tim, "I forgot. Here's one for you, Boss. It's got a picture of …"

"I can see what it's got," said Gibbs curtly. The good mood seemed to be evaporating. He put his glasses on and began to read,

_Hey, Boss._

_Went to Greenwich yesterday. Saw the Cutty Sark. Nineteenth century wooden tea clipper. You'd have liked it. Even if it did carry tea and not coffee. Would be a bit big for your basement._

_Ran two miles yesterday. Went to see the changing of the guard at Buckingham Palace. Those guys can march._

_Semper Fi_

_Tony._

Gibbs nodded in approval. DiNozzo's report writing was the best in the team. Short and to the point. His good humour was restored.

"Going for coffee," he announced, "not tea."

Tim nodded despite his confusion.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In 'my' world, Tony's mom's sister Caroline is married to Admiral Sir Charles Smithson ...


	3. Chapter 3

Gibbs had barely sat down at his desk and carefully positioned the first cup of coffee of the day when Abby burst into the squad room.

"Guess what?" she said.

Gibbs raised weary eyes to her face,

"You know I don't do guesses, Abby."

"Please, please, please. Pretty please," she begged.

Gibbs took a long draught of his coffee and stared at her over the brim of the cup. Nobody had ever won a staring competition with Gibbs and Abby conceded defeat quickly.

"But," she said threateningly, "I could beat you. The Scuito stare is famous in the South. So one day, Mister, one day …"

Gibbs continued to stare.

"But not today," she said as she jumped in excitement, "because I can't wait to tell you."

Another sip of coffee and a continued gaze.

"Aren't you in the least bit curious?" pleaded Abby. As no answer came it almost seemed as if Abby would take up the staring competition after all but Tim arrived at that moment.

"What are you doing here, Abby?" he asked.

Sensing easier meat, Abby scowled at Gibbs and turned her attention to McGee, "Guess," she ordered.

"Abby!" barked Gibbs, "we've got work to do. What do you want to tell us?"

Abby narrowed her eyes at this but decided this was as good an invitation as she was going to get from Gibbs.

"I went on to the MCC website," she said.

"MCC?" asked Tim.

"Surely you remember, Timothy," said Ducky arriving to deliver an autopsy report, "Anthony's postcard which told us that he had been to a cricket match at Lords, home of the Marylebone Cricket Club."

"Yes, yes, yes!" said Abby still vibrating with excitement, "so I went on to their website."

"Why?" asked Gibbs.

"Because I miss Tony," she answered sadly, "don't you miss Tony?"

Gibbs chose not to answer this, "So how would going on their website help?" he asked.

"Good question, Gibbs," said Abby triumphantly.

"And the answer is?" pressed Ducky.

"Oh. Well, I wondered if there might be pictures of special guests on their site."

"Er, Abby," said McGee hesitantly, "I'm not sure the cricket club would think that Tony was that special a guest." He saw Abby open her mouth to argue the point so hurried on, "I mean I know _we_  think Tony's special," he crossed his fingers under his desk, "but they don't know him like we do."

Abby sighed, "I know … but really I thought as his uncle is a Lord or a Knight or something, that perhaps  _he'd_  count."

Ducky considered giving a short instructive talk on the differences between Lords, Baronets and Knights but there was a cadaver awaiting his attention  _and_  he was curious to know what Abby had found so he just said, "And did Sir Charles count?"

Abby beamed, "Yes! He did! Look …" and she tapped on her tablet and brought up some photos from the MCC website. She thrust it under Gibbs' nose so he wouldn't have a chance to pretend indifference and the others crowded (carefully) around him.

"'Sir Charles Smithson, recently retired Admiral, visits Lords with his nephews Crispian Ware-Paddington and Anthony DiNozzo," read Tim, "pictured during the lunch break'. The games are so long they stop for  _lunch?_ " he asked. Ducky nodded. "Wow," said McGee, "that's more than Gibbs lets us do while we're  _working_." He looked at Gibbs whose stares were working well that day, "but that's fine, Boss. Always got more important things to do than eat …"

"Is that the Crispian who inherited Anthony's Great Uncle Clive's fortune?" asked Ducky as he peered to look at the picture.

"Yes," said Abby discontentedly, "that so sucks."

Tim always hated to see Abby unhappy so tried to look on the bright side, "but Abby, if Tony had inherited all that money he might have left NCIS and gone to live in England permanently."

Abby inclined her head as she considered the wisdom of Tim's words.

"There is a strong familial resemblance between Mr Ware-Paddington and Anthony," observed Ducky, "they have similar eyes."

"Tony looks tired," observed Jimmy who had come to remind Ducky about the body waiting for him.

"Not surprised," muttered McGee, "after all those parties he's been going to."

Gibbs grunted but took a closer look at the picture to make his own assessment. Abby hit McGee on the arm,

"Don't be mean, Timmy. He's probably tired because of the time difference. It's tiring being at the wrong time."

McGee decided not to argue and he had a good distraction at hand, "Hey," he said, "I went past the mail room on the way in and they gave me this new package from Tony."

Abby hit Tim on the other arm, "why didn't you say so?" she demanded.

McGee thought of pointing out that getting a word in edgeways had been difficult but, thinking that this was another argument he would lose, settled for opening the large envelope. He saw his name on a postcard with a picture of a catfish on it, and began to read,

_McDolittle_

_Went to London Zoo the other day. I was missing Kate so paid a visit to the Aquarium. Picked out this card as a reminder to you to look after Kate. Remember to smile as you feed her, she's sensitive. Her water needs changing every week. Don't lose her down the plughole when you do the transfer and talk to her while you're moving her, she needs to feel secure. Don't worry, I trust you … well, more than I do the others._

_Remember Gibbs is only allowed one extra B!_

_Tony._

McGee swallowed nervously as he remembered that he planned to clean Kate's bowl that night. Deciding to defer worrying about that, he handed a card with a picture of a bat hanging upside down to Abby.

_Abs_

_You'd like the bat enclosure. Sort of dark and creepy. Not suggesting you like dark and creepy … well, actually, I suppose I am. They have this 'Night Life' area where you can see all these animals that live in the dark. You'd have liked it. I did to start with but it turns out that rats like the dark as well so, well, you know … so I didn't get the whole experience._

_Love to Bert, Major Mass Spec and the rest of the guys and gals._

_Tony_

"Oh," said Abby, "that's so sweet."

Ducky had a card with a picture of an owl on it and the message made him smile,

_Ducky_

_Saw this wise old owl and thought of you!_

_I'm very well._

_Tony_

Jimmy's card had a picture of a wide-eyed lemur and the message from Tony was similar,

_Autopsy Gremlin_

_Saw this and thought of you!_

_Look after Ducky_

_Tony_

Jimmy looked puzzled but the others immediately saw a likeness between him and the picture of the nervously expectant little creature.

"What picture has Gibbs' card got?" asked Abby.

"Hmm, don't know," said McGee, "there's an envelope here. Don't recognise the writing though."

Abby snatched it out of his hands, "it says Special Agent Tibbs," she said.

Gibbs took it out of her hands with a scowl.

"Boss, that might not be for you," pointed out Tim but, catching Gibbs' eye, continued nervously, "but it's more likely to be for you than anyone else."

"Thank you, Agent  _McGregor_ ," said Gibbs pointedly. McGee scuttled back to his desk.

Gibbs' card had a picture of a cow on it. The envelope also contained a sheet of paper.

_Hey Boss_

_Thought you could picture how many steaks you could get out of this. Not in London at the moment. Visiting Aunt Caroline at their place in Norfolk._

It seemed that Tony had been interrupted as the message was not completed. Gibbs turned to the sheet of paper.

_Dear Special Agent Gibbs_

_As you can see from the card, Tony is visiting my husband and me in Norfolk along with his cousin Crispian._

_I don't want you to be alarmed but Tony has had a slight accident which has, for the moment, prevented him from completing the card. I'm not sure what happened but he and Cris went for a walk down to the village and seem to have had some sort of mishap while crossing a stream. They came back laughing about it but Tony has a mild concussion and has gone to bed._

_Don't worry, we will look after him. My husband is going to London tomorrow and will deliver this package to the American Embassy._

_Please remember me to Director Vince and Agent McGoo and, of course, to Doctor Mallard._

_With my good wishes_

_Caroline Smithson_

"Is everything all right, Jethro?" asked Ducky, "you appear concerned."

Gibbs sighed, "DiNozzo's got a concussion."

"What?" screeched Abby, "How?"

"Don't know, Abs," said Gibbs, "his Aunt Caroline says he's gone to stay at her place with his cousin. Seems they had some sort of accident while they were out for a walk. She says he'll be fine."

"But, but," said Abby in distress.

"Now, now, Abby," said Ducky soothingly, "I'm sure the British health service will deal more than adequately with Anthony's treatment."

"They'd better," said Abby darkly. "And what was he doing with  _Crispian_  anyway? They don't like each other. Oh!" she gasped.

"What?" asked Jimmy in alarm.

"Perhaps he challenged him to a duel!"

"Who challenged who?" asked Tim

"Crispian challenged Tony, of course," said Abby.

"Why 'of course'?" said Tim.

"I don't know," said Abby illogically, "perhaps he's after Tony's money."

"I didn't know he had any," said Jimmy, "and why would Tony leave it to him anyway?"

"Good point, Jimmy," Abby thought for a moment, "I know! He forged Uncle Clive's will! Tony should have inherited all that money!"

"Abigail," said Ducky, "I'm sure this was just an unfortunate accident. And we do know that Anthony is prone to such things."

"Hmm," said Abby, obviously unconvinced, "I know what I'll do."

"What?" asked Jimmy, perhaps picturing Abby getting on the next flight to the UK.

"I'll do a Tarot reading for Tony. That'll tell me what's going on."

She turned and stalked out of the squad room, muttering under her breath. Tim followed her anxiously while Ducky and Jimmy went to attend to their latest customer.

Gibbs, left alone, buried his face in his hands for a moment. He wondered how DiNozzo managed to cause so much trouble even when he was thousands of miles away.

 


	4. Chapter 4

_McElfLord_

_I've just been to your idea of heaven. OK, I didn't actually go in – I just saw it in the distance 'The Games Lounge'- it's an exhibition about the history of video games where you can play some of the original games. Where is this paradise, I hear you ask? The National Media Museum in Bradford – yeah, travelling north at the moment. I would have sacrificed myself for you and gone into the Games Lounge but got distracted by the collection of rare movies. Still, I picked up these fact sheets for you. Because they were free._

_Keep on building up the comp time and perhaps the Boss will let you off the leash long enough to come here but you'd have to let the kids play the games as well._

_Good to hear that Kate is doing OK. That fish-care badge came in useful!_

_Make sure Gibbs lets you leave work sometimes – Kate needs regular feeding and attention._

_Tony_

"McGee!" snapped Gibbs, "what's all that stuff?" He had just come down from MTAC and was surprised to see Tim's desk covered with paper.

"Boss!" jumped McGee. Although he had once boasted about the superior sight lines achieved from his desk they never seemed to be good enough to prevent Gibbs sneaking up on him. "They're from Tony. He's been to this really cool place … all about video games. You'd … um, well, you'd really hate it so I'll stop talking about it."

"Good idea," observed Gibbs, "you let the others know that Tony's been in touch?"

"Didn't think I'd need to," confessed Tim, "they seem to find out pretty quick on their own."

Gibbs nodded and even as Tim finished talking they heard the ding of the elevator and saw Abby tumble out, followed more sedately by Ducky and Jimmy.

"Is he all right?" asked Abby. Her tarot readings had proved inconclusive but she was trying to gain comfort from the lack of bad omens.

"Seems all right from what he wrote to me," said McGee, "in fact he's been to this really cool video game place …"

"Gimme," ordered Abby, ruthlessly cutting Tim off. McGee frowned and handed her a postcard. She scanned it quickly and then said discontentedly,

"He doesn't say anything. But perhaps that's a good thing? Or do you think it's because he's developed amnesia. He had a traumatic head injury, who knows what it might have caused?"

"Is the card blank?" asked Ducky.

"Oh, no," said Abby, "it just doesn't say anything about his head."

"And what does it say?" said Ducky.

Abby smiled, "he's been to a  _really_  cool place."

"Told you," said Tim.

"No, not about video games. Although to be fair, I would like that. No," she breathed a happy sigh, "he's been to Whitby."

The others looked at each other blankly. Characteristically, Ducky was the first to break their silence,

"And for what reason is that significant?"

"Part of 'Dracula' was based in Whitby," said Abby, "They do all sorts of Goth things there. I've always wanted to go. And look, my card has a picture of the graveyard," she ran a happy finger over the picture.

"How … er, charming," said Ducky diplomatically, "Timothy, is there a missive for me perchance?"

"Yes, Ducky, here it is." Tim handed Ducky his postcard.

"Ah, it seems that Anthony took the opportunity to visit the Royal Army Medical Corps Museum before he travelled north. I'm sure he will have found it most stimulating."

"I guess this is for you as well," said Tim as he saw a guide book among the contents of the latest package.

"A Guide to the Museum. How delightful. I'm sure it will bring many happy memories of my time with the RAMC. Not, of course, that I consider that my experiences belong in a museum quite yet _."_

"Of course not, Doctor," said Jimmy tactfully, "um … is there anything for me, Agent McGee?"

Tim handed him a bundle of photographs some of which Tony had written on. Jimmy giggled.

"What is it, Jimmy?" asked Abby, momentarily distracted from her contemplation of the graveyard.

"Tony says that there was this hall of mirrors at the Bradford museum."

"Guess he does like looking at himself," said Gibbs.

"No, no, Agent Gibbs," said Jimmy, "not that kind of mirror. Well, I mean, they are mirrors that you look at yourself with but these are those funny mirrors."

"Good Lord," said Ducky, "I haven't been to a hall of mirrors for years. I remember that I loved them as a child, suddenly looking ten foot tall or three foot wide. How I laughed! Mother hated them but I still believe they have an innocent charm."

Jimmy nodded happily, "and it looks as if Tony likes them too. Look, there's one of him looking wide, and another with him looking tall and thin. And here's a wibbly-wobbly one."

The others gathered round to look at the photos.

"Looks as if Cousin  _Crispian_ is still hanging around," said Abby disapprovingly as she spotted that Tony had a companion in some of the pictures.

"Ahem," said Director Vance as he drew near.

"Director," said Jimmy going into automatic near panic mode, "we were just looking at these pictures that Tony … er … Agent DiNozzo has sent. He's been to a museum. I don't think he's really put that much weight on," he giggled nervously.

The Director held out a hand for the pictures.

"I'm sure he's working hard as well, Director," said McGee hopefully.

The Director looked at the photographs and nodded with satisfaction. He seemed to share Ducky's assessment of the joys of magic mirrors.

"Do you mind if I take this one?" he asked.

Jimmy looked surprised but nodded. The Director seemed to realise it was an odd request,

"I think the children would like to see Agent DiNozzo looking so … distorted. They still remember when he played at being a shark with them." He turned to go.

Abby was still looking at some of the pictures,

"I can't see any bruises," she announced finally.

Vance turned back, "Has Agent DiNozzo been injured?" he asked.

"Yeah," said Gibbs, "I forgot. You missed the mail call last week. Seems he took some sort of tumble while he was at his aunt's place."

"With Cousin Crispian," said Abby meaningfully.

The Director raised a quizzical eyebrow.

"I just feel it's a bit hinky that Tony had his "accident" when he was with his cousin," she said, "I don't trust him. I wonder if I can find out his star sign. See what his horoscope says. See if he was born under a  _sneaky_  star sign"

The Director decided to ignore this and turned to Gibbs, "was Agent DiNozzo badly hurt?"

"His aunt said it was just a mild concussion. Wasn't clear what had happened."

"Boss," said Tim, "there's a card for you. Perhaps Tony's told you what happened?"

Gibbs put his glasses on to read his card.

_Hey, Boss._

_Caroline said she'd told you about the accident. That'll teach me and Cris to decide to play Pooh sticks! You know me, too competitive. Leaned over too far and whoops! I'm fine. No need to worry. Was right as rain by evening and I made it to another boxing match._

_Picture is of one of the boats on the Norfolk Broads. It's a wherry – apparently there's something special about it. A gaff rig? Anyway, perhaps it'll give you an idea for your next project._

_DiNozzo_

"You heard what he said," said Gibbs when he finished reading the card aloud, "He's fine. Go back to work."

The Director raised another eyebrow at being told to go back to work but he nodded and departed, carrying the picture of a gargantuan Tony surrounded by many other distorted reflections.

"Hmm," huffed Abby as she went back to her lair, "there must be a way of finding out Crispian's date of birth."

Jimmy trotted alongside Ducky who was telling him about the time, in his RAMC uniform, he had visited a hall of mirrors and met an officer from the Women's Royal Air Force, "It was the beginning of a most interesting …" the words faded away as the elevator doors closed.

Gibbs' eyes narrowed as he watched the Director walking up to his office.

"Something up, Boss?" asked McGee.

Gibbs shrugged. "Going for coffee," he announced.

 


	5. Chapter 5

_Och aye, McWriter_

_Been to Edinburgh. Still can't quite say it like Ducky does. Went to the Scott Monument today – you'd love it (not) – 200 feet high with lots of spiral staircases. I got a certificate for climbing the 287 steps. Great cardio exercise and spectacular, dizzying views over Edinburgh. No, still can't say it right. Worked up a good appetite for some scones and shortbread but not for Sir Walter Scott novels. Although Ivanhoe was OK. The movie, I mean – not the book. Don't tell Ducky._

_If you sign up for that hypnotherapy to get over your height thing, you might like the view from the Monument. Card has a picture of the view._

_Show it to Kate, so she knows where I am._

_Cheerio the noo (that's Scottish for goodbye)_

_Tony_

"Dispatches from DiNozzo?" asked Gibbs as he returned from visiting Ducky.

"Very good, Jethro," said Ducky approvingly, "very alliterative."

Gibbs looked blankly at Ducky. McGee, seeing that the doctor might give a lengthy explanation, broke in,

"Yes, Boss. Arrived while you were with Ducky. Tony's in Edinburgh. I didn't think you'd want me to call you away. Not just for postcards. That was right, wasn't it? Not saying you don't look forward to  _dispatches from DiNozzo_  but I just thought you wouldn't want to be interrupted. Er …"

"What you got?" asked Gibbs, feeling a wave of satisfaction that he could still unnerve McGee.

"Um, this has got your name on, Ducky," and he handed Ducky a small package.

"I wonder if perhaps Anthony has paid a visit to the Edinburgh Medical School," mused Ducky. Tim listened carefully trying to work out how Ducky said Edinburgh differently. "Ah," he said, "how charming." He began to read his postcard.

_Dear Ducky_

_Visited the Royal Yacht Britannia today. I wouldn't be surprised if you had been on board when it was still in service. I was trying to think what to get you when I saw this and hoped that it might bring back happy memories for you. At least it won't be yappy!_

_Tony_

"What is it?" asked Tim.

Ducky held it up, "it's a toy corgi. You know, of course, that the British royal family is very fond of corgis. It will indeed bring back happy memories  _and_ I won't have to take it out for walks."

"Oh, that's so cute!" said Abby who had once again been alerted by the mail room and had arrived in time to see Ducky hold up the stuffed toy. It was plain to see that she coveted it and equally plain that Ducky was not going to relinquish it easily.

"There's something for you," said Tim, handing her a parcel.

" _Hi, Abs_

_Here's another card for the Tony wall. You have got a Tony wall going, haven't you? This is a picture of one of the State bedrooms; not sure it's quite your style but it's pretty cool. Visited the Tea Room – you'd definitely like the cupcakes!_

_Saw this and thought he might keep Bert company._

_Ciao_

_Tony_

"Aww," said Abby, as she took the wrapping off, "it's a Captain Bear! Look, he's got a little sweater and a little cap. Bert'll love him. And the card will look great on the Tony wall. Why haven't you got a Tony wall up here, Gibbs?"

Gibbs was saved from having to answer by another arrival.

"I've cleaned all the pipettes, Doctor," said Jimmy, "and I heard from Ernie who heard from Alfred who heard from …"

"Yes, yes, Mr Palmer," said Ducky, "it is quite all right. We have received some more dispatches from DiNozzo."

"That's very good, Doctor," said Jimmy approvingly, "very alliterative."

"Actually it was not I who coined the phrase, but Agent Gibbs," said Ducky.

"Oh. That's very … um, well done, Agent Gibbs," said Jimmy uncomfortably as Gibbs favoured him with one of his sardonic stares.

"Here you are, Palmer," said McGee hastily.

"Oh, look, Doctor. It's a picture of the infirmary on board," the two medics gazed in interest at the medical facilities. "And a tin of shortbread. We can have it with our tea this afternoon." Jimmy beamed at the thought of having a treat to share with his mentor. Ducky showed the corgi to his assistant and explained the royal connection.

"Director," said McGee seeing Vance about to stride past, "Tony sent you something."

"Indeed," said the Director pausing in his stately progress.

Tony hadn't written a card for the Director but there was a post-it on a box of Britannia fudge which read, ' _thought the Director's children might enjoy these.'_

Gibbs managed to intercept McGee passing the box to Leon and took a moment or two to examine it.

"Half expected to see a picture of a boxer on it," he remarked as he handed it on.

"Uh, I don't think the Royal Family have boxer dogs, Agent Gibbs," said Jimmy anxiously.

"Thank you, Palmer," said Gibbs not taking his eyes off the Director.

"And what have you got, Gibbs?" asked Leon who seemed willing to linger for a while if unwilling to rise to the boxer bait.

"Sorry, Boss, I nearly forgot," said McGee, "here you are."

_Hi, Boss_

_I'm here in Bonnie Scotland. Hope this doesn't set Ducky off on too many tangents!_

_You'd have liked the yacht although it seems a bit big for a yacht to me. But it's got good clean lines – that's what you look for, isn't it?_

_Think this is as far north as we'll go. Going to head back down to the West Country. Might do some rock climbing on Dartmoor._

_Hope you like the coffee._

_DiNozzo_

Showing rare tact, Gibbs omitted the message about Ducky when he read the card out loud. He looked with approval at the picture of the boat and at the bag of Britannia coffee.

"What did you get, Timmy?" asked Abby who was still hugging Captain Bear.

"Nothing," said Tim trying not to be disappointed but he tipped the envelope upside-down in case he has missed anything. A packet of lollipops slid out. "Lollipops," he said happily.

The Director had slipped away so didn't hear Jimmy say thoughtfully, "Tony doesn't seem to be doing much  _work_ , does he? I thought this was a work secondment, not a vacation."

"You are forgetting, Mr Palmer," said Ducky, "that Anthony was not fit for a return to  _full_ duties. I am sure he is doing all that is required of him."

"He's working  _smarter, not harder_ ," said Abby with a smile, "although," she added discontentedly, "he said 'we' so it looks as if Cousin Crispian is still hanging around."

"Did you find his date of birth?" asked McGee talking round a lollipop, "you know, to cast his horoscope."

"No," said Abby even more unhappily, "it's really hard to find out anything about him. Apart from that photo from the cricket ground, he doesn't seem to pop up anywhere. Oh well, I'm going to introduce Captain Tony to Bert."

"Captain Tony?" queried McGee.

"Can you of a better name?" asked Abby, "Gibbs, what do you … oh, where'd he go?" She said as she turned to Gibbs' desk only to see that he had disappeared.

"He's on his way to visit the Director," said Ducky, proving that, although he was elderly and not a field agent, his observation skills were still formidable, "come, Mr Palmer. I believe we have some shortbread to test."

"Leon," said Gibbs, catching up to the Director on the stairs.

"Gibbs?" said Vance, turning to face him.

"Palmer made a good point. DiNozzo doesn't seem to be doing a whole lot of work out there."

"And?"

"It's not like you to let people off the leash this much. Especially DiNozzo."

"Don't you trust Agent DiNozzo?"

"Sure,  _I_  do, but you don't usually."

"Perhaps I'm following your gut instead of mine," said the Director mildly.

Gibbs continued with his own train of thought, "Though it does seem to me that the places DiNozzo is going to are near a lot of military bases in the UK."

"Gibbs," said the Director seeming to lose patience with this cat and mouse game, "Agent DiNozzo is submitting reports as required."

"I haven't seen any of them," said Gibbs.

"They're classified," said Vance, "you'll see them if you need to." He turned to go.

"You send DiNozzo on an undercover mission, Leon?" asked Gibbs.

Vance turned back.

"No, Agent Gibbs, I didn't send him on an undercover mission." He delivered a directorial stare and resumed his ascent.

 


	6. Chapter 6

A week passed before news spread through NCIS that more 'dispatches from DiNozzo' had been received. An expectant group gathered round McGee's desk to see what the latest package contained.

"I wonder if perhaps Anthony visited the Britannia Royal Naval College while he was visiting the West Country," mused Ducky, "it is a most beautiful building and has a tradition stretching back some centuries, you know."

"I hope he kept safe on Dartmoor," worried Abby, "you know they have military firing ranges there. Sometimes they do live firing," she clutched Captain Tony bear to her chest. She had not let it out of her sight since she had got it. It was almost as if the tiny toy had become a substitute for her friend. McGee thought about suggesting that he was sure that the live firing was well publicised but decided to save his breath and opted instead to open the parcel.

"Looks as if he's back in London," Tim observed, "my card is from the British Museum."

_McHacker_

_Here's a card of the Rosetta Stone. Thought you might like it. I guess it wasn't hacking but I seem to remember it took a lot of deciphering so it's probably up your street. Even if the ancient Egyptians probably didn't have a word for donut … or sprinkles!_

_See you_

_Tony_

"Does he say anything about rock climbing?" asked Abby _._

"I just read it to you, Abby," said McGee with a sigh.

"Oh," said Abby, "well, smell it."

"Why?"

"To see if it smells of lemon," said Abby as it was obvious, "you know, he might be writing in invisible ink."

"Why would he do that?" asked McGee, but, always ready to please Abby, he sniffed, "no, no smell of lemon. Here, why don't you read your card?"

"What is the picture on your card, Abigail?" asked Ducky.

"Oh, it's really cool. It says it's a Design for a Gothic Table Fountain by Albrecht Durer. That's nice," she said in a slightly disappointed voice.

_Hi Abby_

_I saw this and thought perhaps you might like to make one of these for yourself. It could be a real conversation piece for a Halloween party._

_Love_

_Tony_

"Perhaps he didn't go to the West Country after all," she said.

"That's good, isn't it?" asked Jimmy.

"I suppose so," said Abby a bit listlessly, as she hugged the bear a bit closer.

"Here, Ducky, here's yours," said McGee still acting as mailman.

"Thank you, Timothy. Ah, this is most interesting. Look, Mr Palmer," and Ducky showed his assistant a picture of an Egyptian medical papyrus.

"Gosh, yes, Dr Mallard," said Jimmy, "if only we knew ancient Egyptian, it might be really useful. Unless you speak ancient Egyptian, Doctor?"

"Alas, no," said Ducky, "Although, as I believe I told you once, there was a time when I considered a career in archaeology, I never pursued the study of ancient languages. If I had, I might be able to translate this fascinating object."

"But if you'd done that," said Abby practically, "you wouldn't have become a doctor, or a medical examiner and you'd never have come to work for NCIS. And we'd never have met," this thought distressed her so much that she wrapped Ducky in a hug.

"Then I am most glad I did not follow that career path," said Ducky, "even though it means that this picture remains incomprehensible to us."

"Does Tony say anything on the card about Dartmoor?" asked Abby.

"No. He simply says that he saw this and thought of me," replied Ducky.

"This is yours, Palmer," said McGee handing a postcard to Jimmy.

_Black Lung_

_Is this a distant relation? The expression looks a bit like the one you have when Ducky makes you clean the pipettes!_

_Tony_

"It's a self-portrait of Samuel Palmer," said Jimmy, "I've never heard of him."

The others looked expectantly at Ducky but he simply said, "I'll tell you all about him later, Mr Palmer. Jethro, what does your 'dispatch' say?"

Gibbs grimaced slightly. He wished he had never coined the phrase 'dispatches from DiNozzo'. He took the card offered by McGee. It had a picture of an Egyptian wooden boat.

_Hey Boss_

_This seemed the sort of thing you might make although I think it was made to go in someone's tomb. Bit creepy if you ask me. Abby'll probably have an opinion about it._

_Tony_

"Is that all?" asked Abby.

"Yep," said Gibbs and he ostentatiously sniffed the card, "no lemon juice, no secret writing, Abs."

"At least it looks as if he's given Cousin Crispian the slip," said Abby trying to look on the bright side.

The DiNozzo Dispatches usually brightened everyone's day (except when they sent Abby into a vortex of anxiety) but on this occasion they seemed to have had the opposite effect.

"Well, back to work, Mr Palmer," said Ducky resolutely, "and I will regale you with the history of that fine English painter Mr  _Samuel_  Palmer."

Jimmy allowed himself to be led away.

"Come on, Captain Tony," said Abby, "We'll add this to the Tony wall. See you later, guys."

McGee looked at Gibbs, "right," he said, "back to work, I guess," and he propped his latest card against his pen cup before looking sadly at the empty desk next to him. Gibbs stared at his card and tried to see if there was some hidden message there.

NCISNCIS

Six days later the next parcel arrived and Tony's co-workers gathered again.

"Perhaps he's been to the West Country now," said Abby.

"I thought you didn't want him to go rock climbing," said Jimmy.

"I don't. I didn't," agreed Abby, "it's just that the last set of cards were a bit, well, off."

"I enjoyed finding out about Samuel Palmer," said Jimmy stoically, "Dr Mallard was very knowledgeable about him."

The others nodded. They had all, at various times, heard Ducky giving Jimmy exhaustive details about the artist.

"Looks like Tony went back to London Zoo," said McGee as he handed the postcards out.

McGee had a picture of a Secretary Bird; Abby's card had a flamingo, Ducky had a Mallard duck, Jimmy had a duckling and Gibbs had a Grizzly Bear. They all had a brief message saying how Tony had gone to the zoo again and that the pictures reminded him of their recipients and they all agreed that they were very apt and smiled dutifully. They smiled a bit more widely when they discovered that Tony had arranged for the team to adopt a penguin. Abby gazed at the certificate and then frowned.

"This is dated a month ago," she said.

"So?" asked McGee.

"I don't know, it just seems a bit hinky that Tony's only sending it now," she said.

"Perhaps he forgot," said Jimmy.

"Humph," said Abby in a tone which suggested she didn't think much of that argument.

"Come along, Mr Palmer," said Ducky, "you'll be interested to know that I discovered a most interesting monograph about Samuel Palmer last night …"

Jimmy suppressed a groan and followed dutifully.

Gibbs went down to see Abby a short time later.

"What you doing, Abs?" he asked, as he saw her looking at CCTV footage.

"Uh, well. Don't be mad, Gibbs."

"I'm never cross with you, Abs," said Gibbs.

"That's not quite true," said Abby, "there was that time when … But, hey, if you've forgotten, we won't bring that up again."

"So, what you doing?" repeated Gibbs.

"I'm looking at the entrance to London Zoo," confessed Abby.

"Why?"

"Well, first it was because I missed Tony and wanted to see him," said Abby.

"How did you get hold of the footage?"

"Uh, well. Timmy isn't the only one who knows how to hack."

She waited for some rebuke but Gibbs simply said, "And what did you find?"

"Look. This is just after Tony got to London, there he is."

"So? We knew he'd gone there," said Gibbs.

"Yes," agreed Abby, "so I've programmed the search matrix to look for Tony's face since that day and it hasn't found him."

"Perhaps he got all the cards on just one visit," suggested Gibbs.

"But he said he'd been twice," said Abby, "and …"

"And?"

"I've done the same search on the footage at the British Museum …"

"And?"

"He went there on the same day as he went to the Zoo."

"Probably nothing, Abs," said Gibbs, "like you said. He's working smarter, not harder."

"Gibbs? Is your gut saying anything?"

Gibbs didn't answer but just kissed her head before leaving.

NCISNCIS

Late the next day, Lady Caroline Smithson opened the door of her Norfolk home,

"Agent Gibbs? What are you doing here?"

"I thought you could tell me what's going on with my agent," came the stern reply.

 


	7. Chapter 7

Another week passed and the team were once more gathered round McGee's desk waiting to discover the contents of the latest package from the UK.

_Hey McGoo_

_Decided to give the West Country a miss. Getting lost and/or blown up on Dartmoor lost its appeal. Thought you might all like pictures from a Navy dockyard so came to Portsmouth on the South Coast. They have this huge tower here and I knew you'd like this postcard of the view from the top. There's a glass floor to walk on. You'd love it … assuming you'd booked the hypnotherapy height phobia thing. You really should think about doing that, you know – it would help you enjoy any trips to the UK, lots of high things to climb here._

_Here's a book which will help you tie yourself on if you do decide to climb more than five feet from the ground. Webelos might like it anyway!_

_Ciao_

_Tony_

Tim winced to see yet another panoramic view postcard but smiled when he saw that his gift was a book about knots.

"So, no visit to Dartmouth College," observed Ducky, "what a shame. I'm sure he would have enjoyed it but Portsmouth is a very fine naval city. I remember …"

"This is for you, Ducky," said McGee deciding to prevent another Ducky stream of consciousness.

"Thank you, Timothy," said Ducky with a slightly stern look.

_Dear Ducky_

_Portsmouth is full of history. Went to see the Tudor ship, the Mary Rose. Here's a picture of a Tudor surgeon's mallet. Don't really want to think what it was used for. Ugh! I expect Jimmy and Tim will enjoy hearing you tell them._

_Hope these cuff links go with the bow ties._

_Tony_

Tim shuddered at the thought of a lecture on the use of surgeons' mallets so hastened to ask, "What are the cuff links like, Ducky?"

Ducky displayed a pair of enamel cuff links shaped like little sailing boats, "they are really most charming," he said with pleasure.

"What has he sent me?" asked Abby.

"Here," said Tim.

_Hi Abby_

_Managed to tear myself away from London Zoo! Did you know that they have a VIP gate for people to use who want to avoid publicity? Uncle Charles and I used it when I visited the second time. Not because I'm a VIP, of course, but Charles is! Portsmouth made me feel a bit homesick – all those boats._

_Hope you like the present. You're the only person I know who would like them._

_Love you_

_Tony_

The card showed a skull and crossbones flag but it was the gift that made Abby really smile.

"Look," she said, "model head lice and fleas! It says they found some on the Mary Rose. They're so cool!"

The others looked at her in shock and tried to resist the sudden urge to scratch. To take his mind off surgeons' mallets and Tudor fleas, Jimmy asked diffidently,

"Is there anything for me?"

"Sure," said Tim.

_Jimster_

_Not sure what this is a picture of but I think it's some other gruesome medical thingy from Tudor times. Enjoy!_

_Saw these socks and thought they might help with the navigation!_

_Tony._

"What do you have, Mr Palmer?" asked Ducky.

Jimmy showed them a pair of socks. One marked port and the other starboard.

"Splendid," said Ducky, "just remember to put them on the correct feet and all will be well."

Jimmy looked momentarily stricken and it was clear that he was trying to remember which foot was port and which starboard.

"Here you are, Boss," said Tim.

_Hey, Boss._

_You'd like it here. There's an Historic Boat Workshop here – loads of old little boats._

_Was going to send you a card of the Mary Rose but it was a failure, sank in the Solent. Thought you'd prefer a picture of HMS Victory. One of the greatest ships of the British Navy and flagship of Lord Nelson, one of her finest admirals. Gotta love those British admirals!_

_Semper fi_

_DiNozzo_

Gibbs nodded approvingly.

"I'm so pleased Tony didn't go to Dartmoor," said Abby, "and now I know why I didn't pick him up on the CCTV at London Zoo. We didn't need to worry after all! And Bert and Captain Tony will  _love_  the fleas and head lice."

Ducky, Tim and Jimmy all scratched their heads. Gibbs had iron control but did silently give thanks for his short haircut.

"What did Tony send you?" asked Abby.

"A mug. It's got all the International Code Flags on," he said.

"How interesting," said Ducky, "it reminds me of when I was a Sea Scout in my youth …"

"And what's the other thing?" asked Tim quickly.

Gibbs gave a half grin and showed them a magnet which read,  _Talk is Dangerous._

"Your motto, Jethro," said Ducky distracted from the flags.

The Director came into view and Gibbs called out, "doesn't look as if DiNozzo's been to any more boxing matches!"

Leon nodded approvingly and carried on walking.

"Come on, Ducky," said Abby, "you can tell me all about Tudor fleas … and the old medical instruments." And then turning round said, "Timmy. You have to come too. Tony told Ducky to tell you and Jimmy all about the mallet!"

Tim looked beseechingly at Gibbs, hoping to be denied permission but Gibbs just jerked his head in the direction of Abby's lab and Tim reluctantly departed.

Gibbs was only alone for a few minutes. The Director came and stood by his desk.

"DiNozzo coming back soon?" asked Gibbs.

"His assignment is nearly over," said Vance carefully.

"Hmm," said Gibbs, was it successful?"

The Director gave a sudden smile, "I think you know the answer to that, Gibbs." He nodded and left.

Gibbs grinned and looked at his HMS Victory card with Tony's praise of British admirals. He thought back to his last meeting with a British admiral.

FLASHBACK

"Come in, Agent Gibbs," said Lady Caroline when she had recovered from her surprise. "Tony isn't here, you know."

"But I'm guessing you know where he is," said Gibbs.

"Come into the kitchen," said Caroline, "I'll make you some coffee. My husband will be back soon. I think you should talk to him."

Gibbs followed her into an old fashioned country kitchen where he was told to sit at a long pine table. He was soon given a mug of strong coffee. Tony's aunt sat down opposite him.

"Is Ware-Paddington with DiNozzo?" asked Gibbs.

"My nephew?" asked Caroline, "possibly. I don't know."

Gibbs took a gulp of his coffee and considered his next move. Before he could say anything, Caroline continued,

"Do you know the Paddington family motto?"

Gibbs shook his head,

" _To serve is honour._  To my husband's generation that usually meant military service. To the younger generation it often means service of another kind."

Gibbs nodded.

"Tony may carry the name of DiNozzo but he is a true Paddington. And I am very proud of both my nephews. They hold to our motto."

Gibbs nodded again,

"Ah," said Caroline, "here is Charles. Charles, we have a visitor."

Gibbs stood up as Sir Charles came into the kitchen,

"Good Lord," the admiral said, "what are you doing here, Agent Gibbs?"

"Looking for DiNozzo."

"How did you get here?"

"Caught a ride to RAF Lakenheath. Borrowed a motorbike and came here."

"Are you in this country illegally, Agent Gibbs?"

"No, Sir. Quietly, but not illegally."

"And when are you going back?"

"Depends on what you tell me, Sir. It's the weekend. I can be back at my desk on Monday and my team won't know I've left the country."

"What do you want to know?"

"What DiNozzo's been up to."

"What makes you think he's been 'up to something'?"

"He seems to have been charging round the country having a good time," said Gibbs, "our Director doesn't think highly enough of him to let him do that. Cryptic messages to Vance. Accident playing pooh sticks. Non-existent visits to tourist places."

"That doesn't seem very much," said Charles, "anything else?"

"My gut," said Gibbs, "is DiNozzo OK?"

Sir Charles gave him a measuring look, "Tony is safe."

Gibbs' gut settled a bit, "and well?"

The reply this time was a bit more hesitant, "getting there. He will be fine."

"Dartmoor?" asked Gibbs.

"Yes. That didn't quite go to plan."

"And what was the plan?"

"I can't tell you, Agent Gibbs. It is classified. And sanctioned by your Secretary of the Navy."

"What can you tell me, Admiral?"

"I believe you once told my brother in law that Tony hides behind the face of a clown?"

Gibbs nodded.

"That proved a useful smokescreen for … er … flushing out some undesirable elements."

"Boxing matches?"

"Yes."

"And the boxing, the  _fighting_  is over?" asked Gibbs.

"Oh no, Agent Gibbs. I don't believe the fighting will ever be over. But we know our enemy a bit better now. An enemy of your country and of mine."

"And was one of the  _boxers_  responsible for DiNozzo's accident when he was staying with you?"

"You're most astute, Agent Gibbs. Yes, we thought the cover story was absurd enough to fool most people."

"And Dartmoor? What happened there?"

"I cannot tell you. Suffice to say that my nephews 'admitted' to miscalculating the timing of the live firing testing and said they made a foolish mistake."

"So Crispian was involved with this?"

"I expect my wife has told you of the Paddington family motto," said Charles cryptically.

"Tony and  _Crispian_  don't like each other," said Gibbs.

"A useful fiction," observed Sir Charles.

"And Crispian is a multi-millionaire."

"Do you think money disqualifies someone from serving their country? I would not have thought you would hold that view."

"I don't, Sir. Where is Tony now?"

Charles hesitated, "he is with Cris, he is being cared for."

"I'll take him back with me," said Gibbs.

"That will not be possible, Agent Gibbs."

"Why not?"

"He needs to recover a little before he returns to the United States. We don't want anyone to think that anything  _untoward_ happened in his absence. As far as anyone knows, Special Agent DiNozzo carried out an assignment to examine security protocols and also took the opportunity to visit some of this country's many tourist spots. Nothing more, nothing less."

"And the second batch of London postcards? We checked the CCTV footage. We know he didn't pay a second visit."

"After Dartmoor, we had to re-arrange the timetable. Tony had had the forethought to purchase extra postcards so that they could be dispatched if necessary. They all came through the Embassy so we did not have to concern ourselves with post marks."

"You had it all worked out," said Gibbs bitterly.

"Tony has a talent for this," said Sir Charles, "I am very proud of him. And you should be too. And now, I think you should leave, Agent Gibbs."

"I want to see DiNozzo."

"That will not be possible, Cris's house in Henley is being watched. Your arrival would ruin the story we have fashioned."

Gibbs opened his mouth to argue further but the Admiral swept on, "I understand your concern, Agent Gibbs, but believe me, we have Tony's best interests at heart. He is recovering well. Indeed, he is undertaking another expedition to a tourist spot in the next couple of days. We thought it best that he sends your team some more cards and gifts."

Gibbs stood up and stared at the Admiral, trying to gauge if he could be trusted. Sir Charles returned the gaze and finally Gibbs decided that, although he didn't like it, he was being told the truth.

"Will you tell Tony that I came?" he asked.

"Possibly," said Sir Charles, "I expect Tony will find a way to let you know if I do."

He held out his hand and Gibbs shook it, "Look after him, Sir Charles," said Gibbs, "I want my agent back."

END FLASHBACK

So Gibbs had returned to the US and the team did not know that he had flown to England. Now, as he looked at the HMS Victory card, he decided that the Admiral  _had_  told Tony of his visit and that DiNozzo was letting him know that all was well.

Gibbs smiled and looked at his new mug. He decided to go and fill it with coffee. Then he looked at the magnet with its warning  _Talk is Dangerous_ and knew he was being warned not to speak of what he had found out.

"Not much chance of that!" he said to himself as he left the squad room.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All Tony's gifts are available from Portsmouth Historic Dockyard including 'toy' head lice and fleas from the Mary Rose museum. I think Abby is the only person who would enjoy them!


	8. Chapter 8

A week later, McGee arrived at work to find a familiar package already on his desk. He immediately sent a text message to his co-workers and soon found his desk surrounded by eager faces. Even the short-sighted, technophobic Gibbs managed to pick up the message and casually arrive.

_Hey McTim_

_Just found this great postcard of the view from The Shard – it's the highest viewing platform for London. 1000 feet high, just shows that I was easing you in gently with those other high rise photos. I think you'd like the UK despite their obsession with building tall things. Although I guess we're not much better. Do you think we inherited it from the Brits? Ducky'll have an opinion._

_Thinking of gravity … and plummeting helplessly from a great height, I thought you might like this Newton Gravity Defying puzzle although I don't think you can use it to prevent yourself from tumbling to the earth._

_Hope you haven't been sneaking any of my snacks. The Senior Field Agent desk is a no-go area even for acting SFAs. You have been warned, McOpportunist! Although, I think I left a cheese sandwich in my desk – you can throw that away. I don't want you to be blaming the Boss for pongy food smell in the squad room!_

_See you_

_T_

McGee averted his eyes from yet another dizzying view and began to think how to work out the puzzle.

"Anthony is still in London, I see," said Ducky.

"May be not," said McGee as he handed a card and package to the Ducky.

_Dear Ducky_

_Paid a visit to Stonehenge the other day. Seriously odd and awe inspiring. What do you think? Look forward to hearing what you think it's all about._

_Best wishes_

_Tony_

Ducky's audience tried to hide their astonishment at Tony inviting Ducky to give an opinion on something.

"Wow," said Jimmy, "it must be really something."

"And why is that, Mr Palmer?" asked Ducky with a touch of hauteur.

"Well, um. Well, it's unusual. You know. For someone, for Tony to … Um, what did he send you?"

Ducky took pity on his assistant, "It is a paperweight depicting the prehistoric monument. Hmm, it has a good weight. I must make sure I'm not holding it if I follow Jethro in administering head slaps to my co-workers."

Jimmy giggled nervously, and McGee decided to divert attention by delivering Jimmy's mail. It seemed that Tony had visited the Tower of London and had bought Jimmy an apron which made the wearer look as if he had a suit of armour on. Everyone laughed as he held it against him although McGee pointed out that a helmet might be useful if Ducky was thinking of delivering head slaps.

"What have I got?" asked Abby.

_Dear Abby_

_Tower of London is seriously scary. All those people imprisoned here and then going off to their deaths. Still, the Crown Jewels cheer things up a bit – seriously blingy!_

_Love_

_Tony_

"Oh," said Abby, "I hope he wasn't too sad there. Oh, look, it's a T-shirt." She held up a black T-shirt with a picture of a necklace round the neck. "It says it's Anne Boleyn's necklace. So cool. Jimmy and I will be able to go out together wearing them."

Jimmy began to worry at how to explain to Breena that Abby wanted to take him out. He was still recovering from his bachelor party plans. Tim's efforts to divert Abby weren't entirely helpful,

"Anne Boleyn? Wasn't she one of the ones who got their heads cut off?"

"Or was she burned alive?" asked Jimmy.

"No, definitely beheaded," said McGee as he accessed Google.

Abby's hand instinctively went to her throat and Ducky tried to reassure her,

"I'm sure Anthony had no sinister thought, Abby. He simply saw a garment which he thought you would like and I must say it looks very becoming."

"Thank you,  _Ducky,_ " said Abby, "And Gibbs. What have you got?"

_Hey Boss_

_Just been to the New Forest in original recipe Hampshire. Not sure how they get away with it. As far as I can see it's not New and it's not a Forest. I thought I'd pick up something wooden for you but they frown on that sort of thing. Saw some donkeys on the road – real ones, not people being stupid. In some ways this is a really crazy country._

_Anyway, got you this. Hope it's OK._

_Tony_

The card showed a picture of a donkey sticking his head through a car window. The gift was old fashioned shaving soap in a wooden bowl. Gibbs nodded approvingly.

"When did this get here?" asked Gibbs, "it's a bit early for a mail call."

"Don't know," said McGee, "it was here when I got in."

"Hand delivered," came a familiar voice from the stairs.

The others span round and gasped when they saw Tony coming down to the squad room with the Director.

"Tony!" squealed Abby happily and she ran to catch up on months' worth of hugs and Tonyness, "Bert and Captain Tony are getting on great," she informed him, "and the head lice and fleas are cool."

The Director looked alarmed, he had missed the toy insects arriving.

"Oh, it's OK, Director," said Abby, "I've got them trained."

"I've got my socks on," said Jimmy, "look!" and he lifted his pant legs so that the others could see his port and starboard socks.

"Wrong feet," said Tony, "you've got them on the wrong feet, Jimmy."

"Explains a lot," said Gibbs.

"Have you lost weight, Anthony?" asked Ducky when the tumult of welcome had died down, "you look thinner."

"It's the time difference," said Abby earnestly, "messes up the Circadian rhythm. Who knows what else it does?"

"Indeed?" said Ducky sceptically, "well, my boy, pop down for a check sometime, why don't you? After all we need to have a discussion about Stonehenge. Come along, Mr Palmer, we have work to do."

"Of course, Doctor," said Jimmy, "good to see you back, Tony," and he walked away trying not to be confused that he didn't seem to know his right from his left.

Abby also left reluctantly after several more hugs and urging Tony to come visit and see the Tony wall and to re-acquaint himself with the head lice and fleas. McGee was sitting at his desk absorbed in trying to work out his puzzle so Tony went to sit at his desk. He looked across at Gibbs who just nodded.

"Talk is dangerous, eh, Boss?" he said.

EPILOGUE

Two months later, Gibbs got home and found a letter on the door mat. When he tore open the thick cream envelope he saw that it contained an invitation to a function at the British Embassy in two days' time. Gibbs was about to throw it in the trash when he remembered that Tony had the afternoon off on that day. He looked a bit closer at the card and saw a handwritten note attached,

_Dear Agent Gibbs_

_I hope you will be able to attend_

_Yours_

_Caroline Smithson._

Tony didn't mention the reason for his leave request and Gibbs didn't say anything about his own invitation but he made sure that he dressed with more than usual care for the occasion.

When Gibbs was ushered into the lobby of the Embassy he found that Tony was already there chatting with other guests, some of whom were familiar to Gibbs.

"Agent Gibbs, how nice to see you," said Lady Caroline.

Sir Charles nodded briefly. Tony stammered, "What are you doing here, Boss? I didn't know you were coming."

"Got a special invitation," said Gibbs.

"It's all right Tony," said Caroline, "Don't worry." Seeing that Tony still looked flustered, she continued, "Agent Gibbs, I don't believe you have met my other nephew? This is Crispian Ware-Paddington."

"Agent Gibbs, I've heard a lot about you," said Crispian with a smile. "I'm pleased to meet you."

Tony made a strangled sort of noise which suggested he was finding it difficult to cope with his Boss meeting all his family but before anything more could be said, they were asked to move into another room.

The room was large and grand but they were the only people present. A few chairs had been placed in rows and drinks had been laid out on a table to one side. Gibbs was puzzled about what was happening but then saw the British Ambassador entering the room.

"This is an unusual event," he announced, "but one which I am most honoured to be part of. Her Majesty has asked that I act on her behalf to acknowledge a significant act of bravery in the service of the United Kingdom. The award I am about to make is not lightly bestowed and even more rarely to someone who is not a citizen of the United Kingdom but, today, I am tasked with making this award to  _two_  brave young men, Crispian Ware-Paddington and Anthony DiNozzo. Mr Ware-Paddington chose to receive his award in the United States so that he could receive it with his cousin.

Mr Paddington, Mr DiNozzo, would you both please step forward to receive the Queen's Gallantry Medal which is awarded for exemplary acts of bravery."

After the ceremony, Sir Charles approached Gibbs,

"Here is the citation for the award," he said, handing him a piece of paper, "I suggest you read it. It is the most information you will get about what Tony did in the UK."

Gibbs nodded and took the sheet of paper to a quiet corner where he scanned it. It seemed that Tony and Crispian had uncovered a dangerous mole who was stealing secrets from both the US and British governments. They had let the spy follow them round as they appeared to be making a light-hearted tour of the country. The most dangerous point had occurred when, as part of allowing the mole to believe his cover was intact, they had to allow themselves to be lured into a potentially life threatening situation on Dartmoor. They had barely escaped with their lives but, as a result, the traitor believed he was safe. Both governments would now be able to feed him false information and at some point in the future, would be able to use him to trap more people.

Tony drew near as Gibbs finished reading.

"I couldn't tell you, Boss," he said, "I guess the powers that be decided you could find out a bit more after all."

"What happened on Dartmoor?" asked Gibbs.

"We got blown up. Worse than we thought. I had a concussion and lost my hearing for a while. Couldn't come back to the States until it was sorted."

"So you and Crispian are friends?" asked Gibbs.

"Yeah. You know, practical jokes are a Paddington trait not a DiNozzo one."

"So?"

"That IOU that Crispian found?"

Gibbs nodded.

"One of his better pranks. He really enjoyed the Hall of Mirrors. And it meant we were able to get a photo of our 'friend' as well. He let his guard down enough to get caught in one of the reflections."

"And what about …?" began Gibbs.

"That magnet," said Tony, "the one about Talk is Dangerous?"

"Yeah?"

"Still true," said Tony.

"Darling," said Caroline drawing near, "we have to go now. Are you sure you want me to take this?" She pointed to the box containing the medal.

"Yes, I'm sure," said Tony, "the award is secret. And it's not like I could ever wear it. You keep it safe."

"Of course, I will. And it might mean you want to come and visit to see it sometime?"

NCISNCIS

Gibbs and Tony drove back to the Navy Yard together.

"Queen's Award for Gallantry, eh?" said Gibbs, "you could have put it in with my medals, you know."

"Safer this way," said Tony.

As they waited for the elevator, Abby ran up to join them, "Wait for me," she cried.

Tony held the door open for her and then extended his arm to her.

"Oh, Tony," she said, "you're so  _gallant."_

Gibbs smiled and muttered under his breath, "and he's got a medal to prove it."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was great fun to bring Tony to the UK!

**Author's Note:**

> The gifts really are on the Science Museum Website!


End file.
